Horseman's Dictionary

barn sour - An affliction common to horse people in northern climates during the winter months. Trudging through deep snow, pushing wheelbarrows through snow and beating out frozen water buckets tend to bring on this condition rapidly.

big name trainer - cult leader; horse owners follow them blindly, will gladly sell their homes, spend their children's college funds and their IRA's to support them, as they have a link to "The Most High Ones" (judges).

bog spavin - The feeling of panic when riding through a marshy area. Also used to refer to horses who throw a fit at having to go through water puddles.

colic - The gastrointestinal result of eating at the food stands at horse shows

colt - What your mare always gives you when you want a filly.

contracted foot - The involuntary, instant reflex of curling one's toes up, right before a horse steps on your foot.

drench - Term used to describe the condition an owner is in after he administers mineral oil or a bath to his horse.

endurance ride - The end result when your horse spooks and runs away with you in the woods.

equitation - The ability to keep a smile on your face and proper posture while your horse tries to crow hop, shy, and buck his way around a show ring.

feed - Expensive substance used in the manufacture of large quantities of manure.

fences - Decorative perimeter structures built to give your horse something to chew on, scratch against, and jump over (see inbreeding).

filly - What your mare always gives you when you want a colt.

flea-bitten - a condition of the lower extremities in horse owners who also own dogs and cats.

flies - The excuse of choice a horse uses so he can kick you, buck you off or knock you over without being punished.

founder - 1. the discovery of your loose mare, some miles from your farm, usually in a flower bed or a cornfield. As in the phrase, "Hey, honey, I found 'er." 2. a condition that happens to most people after Thanksgiving dinner.

frog - Small amphibious animal that emits a high-pitched squeal when stepped on.

gallop - The customary gait a horse chooses when returning to the barn.

gates - Wooden or metal structures built to amuse horses.

girth sores - Painful swelling and abrasion made at the point of midsection by fashionable large western belt buckles.

green broke - The color of the face of the person who has just gotten the training bill from the "Big Name Trainer."

grooming - The fine art of brushing the dirt from one's horse and applying it to your own body.

grooms - Heavy, stationary objects used at horse shows to hold down lawn chairs and show bills.

hay - A green, itchy material that collects between the layers of clothing, especially in unmentionable places.

head shy - A reluctance to use the public restrooms at a horse show. Always applies to pit toilets.

head tosser - A blonde-haired woman who wears fashion boots while working in the barn.

heaves - The act of unloading a truck full of hay.

hobbles - Describes the walking gait of a horse owner after his/her foot has been stepped on by his/her horse.

hock - The financial condition that a horse owner goes into.