Dear Horses:
When I say "whoa" it means stop whatever you are doing and STAND STILL. I
notice you have no trouble whatsoever doing this when you are having a
particularly vivid daydream or are trying to figure out where the sound of a
snack wrapper is coming from. So would it kill you to cease all forward,
sideways, upward and/or backward movement for a few moments when I ask? Be a
sport.
And speaking of snacks, I am not a magician. There is NOT a candy factory
in each of my sleeves and a carrot farm in each of my pockets. When they're
gone, they're gone, and no amount of chewing on my clothes, hands and hair
will generate more. Neither will pawing to China. But I hope you still like
me, anyway.
The gate is easy for us both to go through, if we go through in the
following order: Me. The lead rope. Your head, then your neck, then your
shoulders, torso, butt and tail. Going through it is much harder if you do
it in the following, incorrect order: your right side. Your left side.
Pivoting, your head. The lead rope. Me. You again. Me again.
You DO know how the poopie got on your food. Quit looking at me like
that.
Please understand that when I grab your mouth and yank it open and invite
a person with a file to grind your teeth down...when I douse you with a hose
or run a strange, buzzing machine all over your body that makes your fur
itchy and short just when you wanted it long and soft...when I put a stupid
mesh hat on you and spray you with chemicals...this means "I love you".
